I wish I could see you again. I wish I could have just one more day with you, with the Parker that I grew up with. The Parker that danced like the world was her stage and its inhabitants were her audience. The Parker that took gentle care of every animal she came across. The Parker that sang along to Christmas music in the morning each day before she went off to school, and I still remember how you insisted on riding the bus on your first day of fifth grade despite the unfamiliar faces and classes.
I just want a few more moments with the Parker that slept a room away from me each night, before cancer took you away to a hospital, surrounding you with monitors, needles, and medications that blurred your days together. I miss you coming into my room as we got ready for bed and asking to pick out my outfits. I miss laughing with you and watching old Disney Channel together. I miss you quoting Napoleon Dynamite at the dinner table.
Most of all, I just miss having you around. The truth is you taught me so much and I look up to you- even though I had the role of “big sis.” Parker, if I could tell you one thing right now it would be that you really did make the world a better place. You were only eleven, but as Aunt Wendy once said, you have an “old soul.” It's true. Your soul is old and wise but also young and adventurous. Your soul is beautiful, compassionate, and brave. Your soul has brightened the world, and it continues to do so. I mean it. I don’t go a day without thinking of how incredible you were at such a young age.
Parker, I don’t know how we ended up here, but I know you’re still with me. I feel you in the quiet snowfall late at night and in the breathtaking sunrises in the morning. I see you in the smiles of kind strangers and in the volunteers at church that dedicate their lives to helping people. P, we will see each other again one day, but right now, I am just so proud to be able to say you’re my sister and that we spent eleven years together that were filled with magical, unforgettable moments even in the midst of your battles with cancer. This is because even in the darkness, you have always been a beautiful light.
I love you. Don’t worry about us. Mom and Dad are carrying on your story to leave the world a better place, just like you.
Your big sister- Maisey